In The Name of Science
by Ai Ga Hoshii Dake
Summary: Joey? Being smart? The world might as well crash around my feet right now.
1. Trolls and Eyeliner

Here it is, a new story that's actually not a one shot. (Yes, I am actually going to push myself for chapters, apocalypse will be on your right)

It came faster than expected, seeing as I really have nothing else to do but lay in bed with my laptop. But for anyone who actually reads FWTD, I was almost about ready to start my laptop up last night and write the (ninth chapter? Wow I'm losing count) next chapter 'cuz I couldn't sleep.

So here's another YGO story. After I posted Proclaiming Pride I thought I'd focus more on friendship humor similar to PP. Y'know, go read it again if you don't know what I mean.

And for those of you who read Kaiba of Delight, don't be expecting another of that _species _too soon until I become more advanced (and much, much more confident) in my writing works, but if you read my profile, I do have something in the storeroom. :O

So I'll shut up with the A/N now, because I'd like to finish this chapter today. Without further aideu, the story:

(But for the bajillionth time, I still don't own YGO)

* * *

"Joey? C'mon Joey its not that bad. Joey? Joey if you could stop tripping on air it'd be helpful. Joey?! Joey dude, I'm **talking** to you," I grumbled, punching him in the shoulder. Joey shrugged it off and continued to mumble profanities about science class, Mrs. Kaper, the classmates of the science class, China, communism, rising fuel prices, and such and such like that. He could be such a tard sometimes.

He looked like some troll plowing through the hallways and I let myself fall a few steps back (maybe like 50? I lost count) to give him some space. His shoulders were hunched foward and his arms seemed locked to his sides. His hair was usually frizzy, but never so much "Look-At-Me-The-Lighting-Strike-Survivor". I could tell he was aiming atleast to get someone like Bakura as a project partner, or that new girl Tamera who seemed to get higher than B average. Instead, that fickle mess of red hair paired us up together on a science project, not forgetting to hiss a "Make it _good_" at us as we started to sprint out the door. I wasn't _entirely_ bummed that Joey and I were paired, I mean c'mon, we're best buds.

But Joey had this thing for, let's say, goofing off.

And slacking.

And eating.

And sleeping.

And not paying attention.

And Playboys (because apparently Mai's chest just isn't. good. enough).

I'm not a school wiz, but I can atleast say with pride that I score better than Joey's D- average. Mine's like a C+ I think. It's atleast better than his. So it's easy to say I'll be doing the entire thing without Joey contributing anything but some kind of food-related stain to whatever we hand in.

Or he'll probably make me hand it in too. Bastard.

The troll was out of site when I looked up, but I knew he's probably too angry to eat right now and walked right past his locker. No one in their right mind would eat cafeteria food, and Joey knew the importance of bringing lunch or starve. Our lockers were adjacent, so when I saw it pristine and untouched, I knew he was too infuriated to eat.

And that means you better _step the **hell** aside _if you see him. I could only imagine what would happen to Kaiba. I casually opened my locker, grabbed a brown paper bag and my books for the next three classes, and let the door close with a satisfying _bang_ before I snapped the lock closed and made my way to the cafeteria. No rich man in sight, just how I liked it.

I swung the door open with my foot to see the students bustling about, and my circle of friends chatting it up, save a blonde-haired heap face down on the table. I hope he didn't run into Kaiba. Though Joey was scary when in rage, I don't think he could stand up to Kaiba of all people. I made my way through the crowd before dropping my stuff next to Joey's head, covered by his arms. No response, so I just sat down next to him, leaving him ample space on each side of him. We had lost him, and we knew better than to disturb.

"He hasn't said a thing since he sat down, do you know what's up?" Yugi asked, concern etched into his tiny face. "Yeah," I casually replied, "The dope's just pissed 'cuz he didn't get a brainiac as a science project to do it for him. Now I get to do it," I explained, taking an angry bite out of my sandwich. Joey still didn't say anything.

"'Ello guys, what's up?" a British voice suddenly spoke. Apparently a certain snowy-haired chap didn't value his life, because he plopped right down next to Joey with a quick "Scoot ova chap!" Joey surprisingly obeyed, sliding his arms (and his head) over along with his body. Bakura gently poked his head numerous times, before Téa mouthed a warning. Bakura withdrew his hand and let it pop a chicken nugget into his mouth from his school tray.

_School_ **tray**.

Poor boy, so stupid. So, _**so**_ stupid.

"So, I take it Joey must be upset over the science project partners, amIright?" Bakura asked, desperate to break the heavy silence. Yugi swallowed a bite of his tuna melt (or whatever that was) before answering, "Is it just for your teacher or do you know if its a chain thing? Ms. Farioman didn't give us a project." Téa nodded in confirmation. "Who did you get as a partner Bakura?"

Bakura rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "That new girl Tamera," he mumbled, his face turning pink. I guess brainiacs have a thing for their species. "Hm?" Téa asked, leaning foward to catch the phrase again. Bakura looked hesitant to answer.

"HE GOT PAIRED WITH TAMERA OKAY?!" Joey suddenly screeched, his head facing the table, fingers bent looking like he was ready to gauge someone's eyes out, and black bags had magically appeared under his eyes. He wasn't as loud as the buzz of the cafeteria , but loud enough so the nearby tables stared before continuing to eat their lunches. "Joey could you, like, _not_ cause a scene please? And chill out, looks like you got hit by a train," Duke chided, throwing a potato chip at Joey's head. Joey grumbled in return, and ate the chip.

I wasn't fond of Duke, mainly because he was fond of Serenity. But Yugi liked him and Téa thought he was okay, and Bakura just went along and nodded when we had our vote count. Majority rules. I got stuck with my rival in love and Joey began to mumble something about dog costumes.

But whatever.

His head returned to its normal sulking position on the table, and he remained still for the rest of the period. I had to do my project with this guy?

I could tell it was going to be a long-_ass_ week.

* * *

I only saw Joey in Social Studies after the whole lunch thing, and the rest of the time he was in different classes than me. He was probably sulking. But he usually never payed attention in class so I'm sure the teachers saw no difference. They probably just thought he was sleepy.

"Yugi, phone me if you find Troll, okay? I wanna get the project over and done with as soon as possible," I explained. Yugi nodded and walked off with Téa, Bakura, and Duke. Probably to the shop. I had chores, so unfortunately I couldn't tag along. I ambled through the school's lot to where my bike was standing, slightly slanted. That's when I felt a forceful grip on my face and arm.

I struggled the best I could, but my attacker surprisingly held strength. Though I had been attacked numerous times before and had been in many fights (You don't get away clean when friends with Yugi and Joey) but that didn't mean I wasn't about to pee my pants. My heart felt like it had stopped. Was I gonna get raped? I hope not, unless the rapist coincidentally happened to be female. And hot. And tall, but she had to be shortner than me.

And named Serenity Wheeler. But let's hope I get to see her after this. I felt myself being dragged through the parking lot, my shoes making weird noises on the pavement. I couldn't really see with the hand over my face, but there probably wasn't much to see because no one was screaming for help and no teacher was making some kind of battle noise to save me.

In other words, I was most likely royally screwed. But when my feet hit the dirt behind the lot, it all clicked.

I was shoved behind a dumpster and held down forcefully in the dirt.

"Don't. Scream," he hissed. I was released and the minute I was my head whipped around.

"**JOEY! YOU DON'T DO THAT TO PEOPLE IN PARKING LOTS ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC AND ON SCHOOL GROUNDS!**" I screamed. He clasped his hand over my mouth again, muffling my profanities. Once satisfied that no one was coming, he released my face. I spat away the taste of his hand (God knows where _that's_ been) before settling myself against the chainlink fence. I automatically knew it was Joey when he began to drag me here, we always came here when we had to talk about something serious.

Joey seemed like his normal self, minus the black stuff under his eyes. But he appeared normal, he even had a toothy smile. He took a moiste toilette and scrubbed the black off. "I snatched Serenity's eyeliner, that stuff has really come in handy," he explained. "Joey, what happened to you?" I asked. He dropped the blackened wipe in the dumpster before re-checking the area.

"I had to pretend to be a pissed off for not getting someone smart as my partner. No 'affence Tristan, but I really had to make sure everyone thought I was mad," he began. I looked at him like he was retarded, so basically I just looked at him. "So you're excited for me to do the entire project for you?" I asked, but I never expected the answer to be so different than what I thought it to be.

"Nope, infact I already did parts of the project during class," he flashed pieces of crisp, unwrinkled, looseleaf with writing that, for once, was legible.

What's this? Joey? Being smart? The world might as well crash around my feet right now.

Unacceptable. Impossible. This was not Joey Wheeler, yet everything about him seemd normal beside the paper in his hands. I looked up at the sky, y'know, to see if it would fall or not. Nothing.

So I did what only a normal friend of Joey Wheeler would do: I stood up, cleaed my throat, approached him,

and slapped him.

"WHAT DID YOU DO WITH JOEYY?!"

Joey rubbed his cheek for a second but suddenly looked serious. "Tristan, I ain't kiddin'! I already have parts of the project done and I have the experiment-thing part all set up," he told me. "Uh huh," I mumbled. I could only imagine the experiment either being "How-Well-Does-My-Gym-Teacher-React-With-Radiation" or "Guess-Which-Food-Isn't-Flammable". Instead Joey showed me a piece of paper with a sloppy diagram on it.

"Our stake out begins at 8:35 p.m. You will report to my house at 8:00 for all preparations. Wear black."

I carefully studied the diagram, unsure of his intentions.

"I never knew you were such a stalker, Joey."

"Oh chillax Trist'. What's Téa gonna do?"

* * *

Good? Bad? Okay? Spicy? Salty? Lemme know! Reviews make the story get longer quicker!

But lemme clear something up. What might happen is that I might not be able to update for a while. Because my parents are divorced and my Dad transport boats (know those big 22-wheel trucks with boats on the back? He drives one) I don't get to see him much and if he gets a call for a short trip then I get to go with him. We'll be on the road for a bit and Wi Fi costs money at Truck Stops so I can't make any promises I'll be online to update. (Unless I can tag onto another nearby connection. Heh heh)

I'll try to post on my profile when I'm on the road before I leave. If I don't, try reviewing. I usually always give a reply (mostly, sometimes e-mails are deleted before I hit the URL because I don't pay attention) and if nothing comes up then assume I'm on the trip.

Peace, and review!

-AGHD


	2. Get on the Bike

Hay hay hayyy.

Trip was great and I finally saw Scary Movie 4 and bits of the 3rd one (the disc was scratched and it kept freezing and I don't have that kind of patience)

So I officially feel cooler now. But now I'm back for an update, so let's get rolling.

Still don't own YGO. You'd think all you people would know that? -.-

* * *

I never really looked that good in black, in my own opinion. I always feel like some goth boy or some Men in Black wannabe. But people just seem to assume I wear it a lot, so I do have coats, pants, and shirts of the color. I'll wear my black jacket, and sometimes my black trench, because I'll admit I look _suave_. But for now, because I had absolutely no idea what was in store for me, I settled on a black plain t-shirt and these black cargo pants I can't even remember where I got. I slipped into some dull white sneakers.

If Joey throws a fit then too bad. I feel like some nerd goth anyway dressed like this. I stuffed some pens and pencils in a mini-backpack (forest green, close enough) along with my info on the project we got. Then I dug through my closet for about ten minutes before finding my old binoculars.

Joey's request.

I hopped downstairs, grabbing a cereal bar (icing, mm!) in the kitchen. "Mom, I'm gonna sleep over at Joey's, okay?" I called. I could see her wave her hand from her spot on the couch and I left, locking the door behind me.

Joey had already explained his Dad went to go visit some friends out of town so we'd be in the clear at his place. I rewrapped the bar and stuck it in my bag. I ran a slow finger along my new bike. So goddamn sleek and cool. I got it cleaned two days ago, and the street light made it sparkle. I mean, the ladies love motorcycles right?

Atleast, I hope Serenity does.

Ha, you thought I owned a regular bicycle last chapter, huh? Hella no.

I shoved my helmet over my head, pleading for one more use out of the thing before I got a bigger one, and speeded down various streets until I pulled up to Joey's place. There were a few dull lights on in the windows, so I knew he didn't fall asleep and forget about me.

Whenever I visit Joey's, I always parked the hog in a small clearing in between some trees, for protection of course. No one's gonna steal my baby. Again. Suddenly I felt a hand snake itself around my chest and another hand was plastered against my face.

Here we go again. Even though it was only the second time, it wa really getting old.

When I was finally released in the backyard, I stared Joey straight in the eye. He was clad in a black t-shirt, black Bermuda's, and black basketball sneakers that he never wore and I'm surprised he could afford.

I slapped him, very satisfied with the loud CRACK I received. He rewarded me with his own slap before stalking over to the rose fence.

When he first got it, Anzu just had to say, "You getting in touch with your feminine side Joey?" and Joey's eye twitched severely. And then he slugged me in the gut.

"_Look what you did you made me hit Tristan!_"

But we all knew it was just for quick get aways (and because we know Joey, quick get _ins_), so I climbed up after and squeezed through the window. Joey turned the light on, which only made the trash scattered around his room brighter. I navigated my way to his bed, which was pretty much clean, and checked the bottom of my shoes for mice guts.

Yes, it has happened. And no, don't ask me what the true color of Joey's carpet is. I'm not sure if even he knows anymore.

I watched Joey kick aside garbage and make a pathway to his closet (though you have to understand there's _layers_ of the stuff) and pulled out a whiteboard.

On wheels. What the hell?

He had put on these fake giant green glasses that lacked lenses. He threw me a purple pair and began to scribble all over the board. When he was finished, he magically made the scribbles form a diagram.

Because we know Joey could _never_ make a diagram like that.

"Put them on," he instructed. I slipped them on, feeling like a total doof and stared at the diagram. Despite its good format, I couldn't even read the words captioning it. He pulled a laser pen from his pocket and stood next to me.

"We are here," he said, the red dot on a house with a green square and a blue square.

"No shit Sherlock."

WHACK.

"You are the blue square and I'm the green square, and this--"

His dot reached the corner of the board that was circled a few times. It was a red circle.

"Is our target."

I rolled my eyes. This was all so stupid and I knew we were both going to get Fs for it.

"Don't worry. I checked it over with 'da 'teach and I've got us a guaranteed C+ when I explained the point of the project."

That calmed me a little, but the actual _point_ of the project...

"But why are we doing this? You know she'll get pissed off if she catches us."

"Which is why dear Tristan," Joey began, "we're wearing black. I have the stakeout totally planned anyway. We can stay up as long as we like and its Friday. Plus the project isn't due until a week from now. It'll last all weekend, and I plan to get back what she _stole_ from me," he said, his voice suddenly becoming serious.

I raised my eyebrow. Téa had the ability to steal something? That was hard to believe.

"So what did she steal?"

"NOT IMPORTANT! Its 8:20 and we gotta get crackin! I got all the spy gadgets we'll need in my bag so let's get movin'!" he suddenly screamed, finger outstretched in the air. I rolled my eyes and threw him his mini backpack.

"Lay off the Captain Morgan Joey, it's starting to show."

We climbed down the rose fence and I made my way to the hiding spot where my bike was. Still there, phew.

I wheeled my bike out to the driveway and tossed him my spare helmet, which wasn't full-faced like mine.

He caught it but gave me an intense glare.

"No."

"Joey get on the bike," I moaned. We had been over this a thousand times.

"No."

"Joey get on the bike."

_"_No."

"Joey. Bike. Now."

"No."

"Joey just get on the bike!"

"No."

"Joey. Get. On. The. Bike."

"No."

"JOEY GET ON THE _FREAKIN'_ BIKE OR I'M GOING HOME!"

That made him silent before he threw the helmet on the ground and made a mad dash up the rose fence and climbed through the window.

Bastard. He was just too damn afraid someone would see him hugging a _dude_.

I slipped my helmet on, strapped the spare to the back, and revved the engine.

I was about to go when I felt a hand on my shoulder, which in turn scared the **crap** out of me and I fell over. I could see Joey slipping on the helmet from under my bike and he tugged the thing off of me. I climbed back on and he hid his face on the back of my shirt. It didn't takea genius to know he had Serenity's hairpiece clipped to his head. His glasses were digging into my back, and it kinda hurt.

But before I knew it we were at Téa's place. I hid the bike in the back bushes and we strapped the helmets to the bike. Joey unclipped the hairpiece and stuck it in his bag.

"Wash your shirt. S'Smells like eggs," he said. I rolled my eyes and fixed my goof glasses. "Where to?" I asked. He pointed to the giant (and I mean _giant_) tree standing before Tea's balcony. The center was like a small pit and the branches were thick, making it a common hang out for us. We climbed up the makeshift ladder (which consisted of boards Duke nailed into the tree and left) and carefully made our way to the center. We dumped our bags and I stretched my legs. Yes, I could stand. That's what made the tree like a little apartment. I named the tree Jerry.

Joey shoved a pad, a walkie-talkie, and a pencil into my hands before shimmying out on a branch towards Téa's place.

"Stud Muffin to Lackey, Stud Muffin to Lackey. Do you copy? Over."

"Joey you fag we're, like, thirteen feet away from each other," I grumbled into the walkie-talkie.

No response.

"Over!" I shouted.

"Its so we don't have to shout to each other like you did just now. I'm gonna feed you information that I see and you just write it down. I'm gonna start, over."

I leaned against a branch, feeling sleepy already.

"Subject is watching TV from bed, watching Carol Burnette show, over."

I scribbled down what he said and titlted my head back.

It became silent for a while, before my eyes widened. I snatched up the walkie-talkie.

"Joey if you're watching her undress I swear I'm gonna--"

"I'm not! I'm not! I'm...my eyes are closed...yeah...over," the walkie-talkie buzzed. I pushed through the branches to where he was perched.

"Joey you PERV!"

But I guess that was my bad.

Because when I saw him, he was squatting on the branch, hands covering his eyes.

And I kinda startled him.

And he wobbled.

And he felt.

And he went OOMPH.

And then I was all:

"OH SHIT JOEY OHNOES!"

I quickly climbed down the ladder with a flashlight to where he lay, unmoving. I heard the door to Téa's balcony swing open and I knew I had to act fast.

I yanked him out of the new light Téa's open door gave and sat him behind the tree. I shined the flashlight at her neighbor's window and using my uber Shadow Puppet skills to fake someone's foot in the air.

Téa must've belived it because I heard the door click closed and I released my breath. With years of babysitting cousins, you gotta learn _some_ tricks.

I jiggled Joey's shoulder, and I heard a groan.

"Trist', I think my arm's broken," he mumbled.

I think we would've been safer with setting food on fire.

* * *

So that's my chapter. Don't fret, Joey won't die.

But because school is approaching and I have to do these RETARDED SUMMER READING BOOK PROJECTS THAT ARE TOTALLY UNNECCESSARY BECAUSE I MAINTAIN AN A AVERAGE IN ENGLISH AND I HAVE THIS THING CALLED A LIFE DURING THE SUMMER.

I'm sending the BOD a letter, I swear.

So all stories are put on an unofficial hold (because you never know when I'll find time to update this year) but my profile will read Hiatus for safety.

Next chapter? A certain snowy-haired Brit will join the fun. )

R&R

-AGHD


	3. Night of the Dancing British Kids

Back once again. I mean, why read a book you're being expected to read and write a report on for school when you can be on the computer, amIright?

Don't own YGO omgggggg.

* * *

Why doctors had to be so slow is totally beyond me. They must've taken Joey in for x-rays atleast an hour ago. How hard is it to put a blue rag on someone and snap a picture of them?! I mean really.

And it didn't help that everything and everyone in this lobby were freaks. Everytime I even came _near_ one of those fake plants I had a coughing fit. The second time a bunch of nurses actually put me on a gurney, and it took another twenty minutes to explain that I was fine.

They still shoved some nasty cough syrup down my throat. If I wasn't under an pact Joey had us make I'd be crying for my Mom to sue them.

Yes, I said crying, it's the only way I get things from her.

This lobby smelled like cheese and sickness, and it made me want to chuck some sickness all over the lobby. In the middle was a plastic column where a couple of four-year olds were playing tag, darting in and out of the mini-play area. They never strayed too far from the outer walls, so no one complained. One of them slipped and slid across the floor once, I considered it very good entertainment. Until some five-year-old brat went inside to use the public coloring book and screeched (oh yes, she _screeeeeeched_) and the mother made the kids stop running so the bitch could color.

Oh. And the fruity kid next to me keeps playing "Night of the Dancing Flame" way too loud for his health. The adults were either reading, shushing their children, bitching about their injuries or their jobs, or trying to read the captions on the TV as quickly as they appeared.

But not Dancing Flame kid. Infact he just turned it louder.

If I ever break my arm, I'm just gonna suck it up. If anyone should drag me here, you can expect a headline regarding a suicide.

"_Bodies in motion...sound of...ocean...NIGHT OF THE DANCIN' FLAAAME"_

I grabbed one headphone and lifted it away from his ear.

"**SHUT UP!**"

SMACK.

This is why I always whine when my Mom makes me babysit my cousins. I'm just not good with kids under the age of eleven. Little Fruity Happy Dancing Blasting Kid began to cry hysterically just then, and it took all my self-control not to rip my hair out. Finally Joey strode out of the office with an arm wrapped in foam and green fabric. He shoved a marker in my face and held out his cast. He had already made various doodles of dogs, stars, him killing Kaiba, and titled the cast "Joeys Super Special Arm Cast That He Didn't Cry While Getting". I signed my name, drew a thumbs up, and shoved the marker into my backpack. Joey gave his wofly grin and we signed him out. As we made our way to my hog, Joey had to break the silence I was finally getting to enjoy.

"Ya think Bakura's doing okay?"

I shrugged.

_-Flashback-_

* * *

_"Trist', I think my arm is broken," Joey said._

_I took in a sharp breath. At first I was split between my grades and Joey's health. I decided on Choice C: "I really just don't wanna be here right now"_

_"Joey, then we gotta get you to the ER to get some x-rays," I told him. He suddenly jumped up and gave a triumphant pump of his fist. "Nevamind! I am absolutely-_owwww!_" _

_So that was outta the picture. He didn't want to leave the "specimen" unattended, and I was definately not gonna haul his ass up the tree when I hard a hard enough time with my own. But the idiot needed a doctor and he needed one quick._

_We both sat down, Joey in deep thought clutching his arm. I was almost ready to pick him hup and strap him down to my motorcylce if I had to when Joey's eyes lit up and looked past me. He began waving his hand furiously, but became dissapointed. I turned around and it clicked._

_There was Bakura, in all his British glory. His white, scraggly hair sticking out in the dark. Joey nudged me from behind and I knew what to do. I walked up from behind and clamped my hand over his face, remembering how Joey did this. I figured it was going to become his trademark._

_Hand_**_Clamp_© **_"Just a hand ova 'da face away!"_

_He began struggling and dropped his shopping bag. I hauled him behind the tree and dropped him in front of Joey. He trembled before the blonde, who was leaning against the tree, arms crossed. You could see the pain trying to show on his face._

_"Why, hello there Bakura. How wonderful to see you this night. Tristan apologizes for being so rough. Tristan?" he called, nodding his head in my direction. It wasn't my pleasure to answer, but my obligation._

_"Yes sir?" I replied._

_"Be a lamb and get 'da boy his shoppin' bag. And shame on yous for being so rowdy," he commanded, kicking his Brooklyn accent into such a gear it sounded Italian, which he claimed "Suits the mob boss image"._

_I retreived the shopping bag from the sidewalk and sprinted back to the shadows. I placed it gently next to the trembling Brit, and he snatched it up in great fear. Joey gave a sick smile._

_"Why Bakura, don'tt be so jumpy, eh? I'm about to make yous an offer," he explained._

_"W-w-what k-k-kind of offer Joey? I r-r-really must be g-getting ho-o-me," he stammered. Joey clicked his tongue and I pressed my shins against his back. Bakura's head whipped back to look at me, and I gave him my best Kaiba Glare. It must've worked because he turned back to Joey, looking like he was about to cry. I felt bad, but it couldn't be helped._

_"Maybe ya didn't heard me correctly Bakura, so I'll say it again for yous," he slowly explained, his eyes narrowing. I picked Bakura up by his shoulders and held him up to Joey, knowing Joey couldn't move much._

_"I'm gonna make yous an offer. I think we both know it'd be very wise to accept. Ain't that right now, Tristan?" he asked._

_"Yes sir," I droned._

_"Well Bakura?"_

_"W-w-well I guess I c-c-ould but...I need to call home you see and--"_

_"Why Tristan can take care of that, now can't yous Tristan?"_

_I reached into his back pocket where a silver flip phone was and scrolled through his contacts before finding the 'Home' one._

_"Now then Bakura, what I need you to do is climb up this tree and sitch-yee-ate yourself on a branch that can let you get a clear view of Téa's window without being in clear view. I need you to keep track of all the things she does and keep a look out for what she stole...-whisper-"_

_"Yes Mr. Bakura...no Mr. Bakura...he's in good hands Mr.Bakura...no that wasn't me...no Mr.Bakura I'm sure if they re-run the security tape on the news again you'll see it wasn't me...yes Mr. Bakura...I know that the law is enforced in this town...yes very well sir...No Mr. Bakura...hang on," I held the phone to the Brit's ear, thankful to be free of his father's damned inquisition. You'd think Bakura was his baby _girl_ or something._

_Wait._

_"Okay, yes bye Dad," Bakura finished up and slid the phone back into his pocket._

_"Alright Tristan, time for me to getta cast. You'll be the first 'ta sign!"_

* * *

And so we ended up where we are now. I carefully explained that he owed me because of the whole "ER Lobby" thing and we rode back to Téa's. I hid my bike and in the bushes and I got to give Joey a piggy-back ride up the tree.

Joy to the frickin' world.

We found Bakura carefully perched on the branch, legs wrapped tightly under and around the branch, occasionally twisting the lenses of the binoculars.

Me and Joey exchanged a look before carefully tapping Bakura on his shoulder.

OO! FLASHBACK!

Bakura gave an squeal and wobbled to the side. I made a nose dive and caught his hand in the air trying my best not to topple to the ground with him. Téa must've hear the None-Too-Subtle-Immasculating-Squeak and flung open the balcony doors. I pulled Bakura up as much as I could and he curled his body into a ball, his rear end almost peeking from the line where the shadows and the light met. He gripped my hand with both of his and I had to support my weight on another branch. Joey crouched down and did his best owl noise. Téa squinted at us and I just knew we were screwed. We were gonna get lectured, beaten, and if this went on any longer, I was gonna need medical attention because my body would be split in half.

Somehow Joey's owl sound fooled her again and he helped me get Bakura up with his good arm. We made our way to the pit before I smacked Bakura.

"You're going on a diet!" I hissed.

"Atkinssss biiiitch," Joey whispered, doing this funky dance by wiggling his body up and down and side to side. I ignored the creepyness and focused on the trembling boy before me.

"And you're officially staying with us on the stake out!" I hissed again.

"Staaaakkeeeouuuttt biiii-HEY wait! I don't want some pansy British kid with us during this!" Joey whined. "But then why did you ask me to help you when--"

"Shut up cream puff. And Joey, if you hadn't gone and broke your damn arm this wouldn't be happening."

Bakura slumped down to the ground and Tristan and Joey argued and slowly crept to the branch, writing down the color of Téa's pajama pants.

He gave a small, guilty smile.

They were a bit small on her.

* * *

I MADE BAKURA EVIL AND PERVERTED THE WORLD JUST MIGHT END UNLESS YOU REVIEW TO KEEP HIM FROM GLOMPING HER!

-AGHD


	4. Lemons and Ziplines

Its Saturday, its ten to eight-thirty, so I'm updating.

Don't own teh YGO. If I did I could afford home schooling.

* * *

"Joey?"

I inwardly groaned. We had been spying on Téa for the past hour and honestly, her tripping up the stairs to her room was the highlight of the night. Not much else. We had decided to take a break in the tree's pit when Bakura had to go and ruin everything by opening his mouth.

"Do I get a pair of cool glah-sses like those?" he asked, jabbing a finger at my face. Joey scoffed and continued to eat his sandwich. Bakura grumbled and then began to mope.

And then there was me. Freezing my ass off. No jacket. In a tree. Glasses with no lenses.

And it was supposed to rain tonight. HARD.

Beside the faint smacking of mayonaise on Joey's sandwich, there was silence. And at first I was finally enjoying some quiet, but now it was starting to get heavy and irritating. I swalled the last of my granola bar and leaned foward.

"Joey what the hell did Téa even steal? You didn't tell me when we were behind the dumpster, you didn't tell me while we were going over the stake out in your room. Hell, you even told Bakura!" I snapped at him. His swallowed a bite of his sandwich and cooly rewrapped the rest, only to messily shove it back into his bag. "Well Trist', I--"

"HOLY CHEESECAKE!"

It was a whisper, but a really loud one too. We suddenly noticed Bakura wasn't in the pit with us. I held a finger to my lips and pulled back a few banches. Bakura sat perfectly perched on the lookout branch, binoculars in hand. I followed his line of sight to Téa's window.

Téa.

Topless.

Tight bra.

The next thing I knew me and Joey hand Bakura pinned down under us. My hand was clamped over his mouth while Joey was cursing him out, yanking on his hair. The squirming Brit was no match for my ultra masculinity. Yes, ultra masculinity.

I pulled back my hand long enough for Joey to give a forceful smack.

"How **DARE** you watch a female, hell my **BEST FRIEND**, undress?! Hell if your father wasn't expecting you in such a good condition I'd throw you right off this--"

"Flashlight...roof...coons...not...Téa" he wheezed. Joey and I exchanged looks before he grabbed the flashlight and aimed the beam of light at Téa's rooftop.

Oh. Wow.

Um.

So _that's_ what he was looking at.

Racoon.

Ss.

Racoons.

Ss.

Um.

Yeah.

I'm sure you can guess how this affected a young, innocent, virgin Bakura. We returned to the pit and helped the boy up. "Sorry," I grumbled. Joey remained silent, so I gave him a light smack on the back.

"Sorry you had to watch two racoons get busy Bakura," he grumbled. I rolled my eyes at his wonderful phrasing. Bakura dusted himself off, and for some reason there was red on his cheeks. It wasn't blood, but...

_Hey._

"Uh, quite alright chaps. I can see how this is a big understanding. But I did notice Téa was turning off her lights, I'm assuming she's going to bed a bit early this evening. Maybe its time we get back the--"

Joey made an unneccessarily loud gasp and clapped his hands.

"You're RIGHT! We just gotta wait for Téa t'go to sleep or downstairs t'pee or something and we'll sneak in and--"

"Whoah whoah whoah hey," I interrupted, "there was no mentioning of any B&E crimes at your house. I already got an earful from Bakura's dad trying to convince him I'm not a criminal, and I'm not about to have an earful when I actually did one. Besides, this is Téa's place. I don't wanna run into any girly things that's gonna scar me for life," I interjected. Joey spun on his heel and placed two sturdy hands on my shoulders.

"Tristan. Tristan. Tris_tan_. Tristan Erik Taylor," he cooed. I relaxed.

"We're wearing black it'll be fine."

And down the chute it goes.

"Joey that's not the point!" I yelled, ripping his hands off, "The point is if we get caught by Téa we're gonna get our asses kicked. If we don't get caught we're gonna get our asses kicked by the _police_. There is absolutely no upside to this!" I was almost ready to rip my hair out of my head. My rant must've hit something in Bakura's brain because he began to fidget.

"Um Joey I--"

"NOPE!"

Joey grabbed his binoculars and made his way to the perch branch. Bakura began to whimper. "What did I do to get all wrapped up in this? I was just buying some gum and toilet papah!" he whined. I sighed, placing a hand on his head.

"Its like when you get random lemons. Despite all the wacky sayings people have, you're just not supposed to question it," I explained, and went after Joey.

I honestly didn't have a real clue as to what to say, but apparently my made-up answer got him reflecting. I peeked at the window, trying not to make a sound. His one arm was broken, and we didn't need someone falling off the third time. Because I'd probably be next. And I'm hefty, I gotta say.

"Tristan look!" Joey whispered. I squatted down and looked over his shoulder. Téa wasn't in the room. "We going?" I asked Joey. He gave a sick smile. I frowned. "How are we gonna get over there?!" I whispered, my voice getting raspy. He led me back to the pit where Bakura was _still_ reflecting on what I said before.

Joey gave me a look. I shrugged and gave the boy a light smack on the back. He jumped and got all bug-eyed.

"What the hell Bakura? You thinking about lemons or something stupid like that?" Joey prodded. Bakura just stayed still, so Joey ignored him.

Maybe I can start using this stuff on my Mom and I can stop wasting my money on Actor Tears.

They sting, man.

Joey began rummaging through his backpack and I was seriously amazed when he pulled out a zipline. Me and Bakura just stared. "I know a guy," he told us, giving a wave of his hand.

"Alright we gotta act fast," he said, slipping on his backpack, "so I'm gonna hook this up here," he fastened a grappling hook to a branch, how big was that backpack inside?! "and I'm gonna hitch this one to Téa's balcony," he explained.

"Ain't gonna work," I said plainly. Bakura nodded.

"Yes it wiiilllll," Joey whined. He hobbled over to the perch and I heard a quick CLANK!

"Ha HA bitches! It's hooked!"

I found Bakura clutching my arm in fear. I shook him off. "What the hell dude?" I asked. He scratched the back of his neck and followed me to the perch. Joey was urging us to hurry up and hooked Bakura's hands to the bar. You could see the terror on his face.

"Just hold on tight and climb up. Its a piece of cake, but you gotta act fast before Téa comes back, okay?" Bakura took a long gulp and gripped the handles.

"One...two...three!" Joey counted.

Bakura just whimpered. Joey tried again, "One...two...three Bakura go!" Still nothing. "Oh for the love-a God!" I moaned. I gripped Bakura's sides and pushed him off the branch. He surprisingly didn't make a sound, but we heard a gurgle when the zipline stopped short when it hit the balcony. He made his way up and over the railing, and we had to clap for him. He gave a sheepish smile and sent the zipline back. Suddenly Joey was on my back. "What the hell dude?" I asked.

"I'm a cripple stupid. Spy ziplines are dangerous," he told me. I rolled my eyes and gribbed the bars. "Giddy-up!" Joey ordered and the next thing I knew Bakura was helping me scramble up the balcony because Joey was shaking so hard. We left the zip-line as is and Joey slowly jiggled the handles on Téa's balcony door and hushed us inside. Téa had turned off all the lights and Joey set to work carefully searching every nook and cranny there was to her room, leaving Bakura and I to stand in the middle amdiring the room. Just a few dance posters on the world, nothing out of the ordinary.

Until Joey reached under the bed and held up his prize. My jaw dropped and Bakura gave a congratulatory two-finger-against-his-palm clap.

"JOEY YOU MADE ME GO THROUGH ALL OF THIS FOR A FREAKIN' **NIGHT LIGHT**?!"

Suddenly the door swung open and presented a very confused a shocked Téa. I shoved Bakura behind me (because it didn't take a rocket scientist to know if a kid looked like a giant white snowball it was Bakura) and pulled my shirt up over my mouth. "Run Gustav!" Joey barked in a dark, gruff tone, tossing the night light over his shoulder and digging into his backpack. I made no hesitation pushing Bakura out the door and onto the zipline. I pivoted on my heel and turned towards the doors.

All I could see was smoke in her room and suddenly the doors burst open. Joey ran out and I could hear a loud, deep, booming voice from the room that was...

_singing_.

Singing...?

The next thing I knew Joey was on my back, shoving the night light into his backpack, and I jumped off the edge, waiting for a patient zip line awaiting my grasp to send me to safety.

Of course, if things were to actually go my way for once tonight, that's what _would've_ happened.

"Bakura go!" I hissed. He shook his head no, one hand gripping the zip-line handle bar and the other gripping the balcony bar. He was obviously uncomfortable with me gripping his thighs, but if he had only gone like he was _supposed_ to when I pushed him off, we wouldn't be dangling for our lives here.

"Bakura unless you wanna ride a zipline in your underwear twenty feet over two dead bodies you better let go **now**!" I hissed again. I felt my grip slip as he shook his head again. We were getting nowhere and no doubt Téa would be coming soon. Suddenly I felt Joey's grip falter, and I was about to flip out when I felt him climb up on my back. Bakura dangled in shock as Joey cut the piece of cable hooked to the balcony. We heard the thumb off the hook falling to the ground and we were flying foward.

We felt like birds; flying through the air and squawking. Squawking ever-so-loudly.

Annd then...I felt like a dog.

Joey had pounded his fist in Bakura's back, forcing hip to let go of the zip-line. I would've laughed hysterically (even as we were about to crash) had Joey not squeezed my bicep and forced me to let go of Bakura. Soon Bakura was tumbling in front of me and I had landed on all-fours and was galloping foward like some crazed Fido.

Next thing I knew (which has been happening a lot) Joey had latched his hand onto Bakura's shirt and kicked me into Jerry's shadow. We quickly dusted ourselves off and made a mad dash to Joey's house.

* * *

I guess we weren't really cut out to be spies.

We ran all the way back to Joey's place and scrambled up the rose fence. Bakura sat beside me as I flopped onto Joey's bed. He cleared off some old Chinese food from his desk chair and plopped down. It wasn't until after a few minutes of catching our breath when Joey set his backpack down amonsgt the clutter of his desk and held the night-light above his head triumph.

A blue night-light.

A _sparkly_ blue night-light.

A **dolphin** shaped _sparkly_ blue night-light.

I dozed off for ten minutes on Joey's bed and woke up refreshed. Joey and Bakura were hard at work on their reports (Bakura doing his own while being forced to help Joey at the same time). Atleast God had made Joey realize it was his obligation to write the report after everything that I've done.

I opted to go back for our stuff and made my way back down the rose fence and jogged back to Téa's place. The curtains were drawn over her balcony door. I made my way up Jerry, grabbed Bakura's stuff and my backpack, and came back down. The zip-line was still lying in the grass so I shoved that into the carrying case attatched to my motorcycle I use for schoolbooks and small groceries. I rolled it to the curb and sped off to Joey's.

I hid it in the bushes and carried the stuff through the front door, carefully making sure every window and door was locked.

Getting arrested for B&E was not a project requirement.

I went up the stairs and dropped our stuff onto the bed and I layed down to rest some more. But there was one thing that was nagging at me...

Click.

"Joey?"

He swiveled in his chair to face me. Bakura looked up.

"Where did you find a store that sells smoke bombs that play _Never Gonna Give You Up_?"

He gave a toothy grin.

"Its just Téa, what's she gonna do?"

* * *

AUUUUUGGGGHHHHHH ITSSSS FIIINNNAALLLYYYY DOOONEEEEE.

About a week ago I wrote the ending of the story and I was satisfied with it and when I went to fix a typo, the browser went back and I lost TWO QUARTERS OF THE STORY.

Ugh. So I left it alone for a few days and went back. I retyped it and added a few more things. I go to save, and I magically hit the backspace button somehow. POOF, it goes away.

So tonight I wanna get the chapter up after getting a really nice review for my Naruto fic and I get subscribed and all that (thx HomyGurl if you're reading) and I know I have others waiting for this to be done, so I set to work. I type it up, and I go to backspace and IT POOFED AGAIN.

But I worked through my anger to retype it. THEN I POOFED AGAIN.

Then I got seriously pissed off but I knew I wanted this thing up really bad. So I typed it up, and wrote out the A/N you're reading now. THEN IT BACKSPACED AGAIN.

So to calm myself, I went and had some cookies and milk. It was yummy, and I retyped the chapter. Now the story is done and I can finally relax and maybe read some.

So I hope you had as much fun reading as I did typing (excluding the FIVE TIMES I TYPED THIS ONE) and I hope you giggled at the real-world jokes I threw in at times.

Peace, R&R, and check out some of my other stories. Lawl.

-AGHD


	5. Epilogue

_Domino Highschool_

_12:36 p.m_

_Indoor cafeteria_

_"Ouch, falling down the stairs hurts huh?"_

_"Yeah, but I took the x-rays like a man!"_

_...mumble...chatter..._

_"So I opened my door and there was two guys dressed in black and this blob of white!"_

_"Ohmygosh, really Téa?!"_

_"Yup, it scared the crap out of me too. But nothing was damaged or stolen, so we didn't file a police report."_

_"But they broke into your room Téa, that's just 'orrble! We never had anything like that where I lived in Europe."_

_"Hell if it were me, I'd sue their asses!"_

_"Oh stop it. They didn't steal anything Duke. The only damage they did was throw a smoke bomb on the ground that played "Never Gonna Give You Up""_

_"AHAHAHAHA_ _Téa got_ Rick Rolled_!"_

_"Shut up Duke! It was probably just a bunch of punks from school, right Yugi?"_

_"Totally! And as long as they didn't steal or brake anything it shouldn't be anything to worry about, right Joey? You seem quiet today."_

_..._

_"Oh. He's just pissed off because our science teacher thought the report was so bad that she figured it was all Joey and gave him a D while I got a B- for dealing with him."_

_"Tough break Joey. What was the report on?"_

_..._

_..._

_"Joey?"_

_..._

_..._

_..._

_..._

_"Frying ants."_

_"Ants?"_

_"Ants?"_

_"Ants?"_

_"Ahnts?"_

_"Ants?"_

_..._

_..._

_..._

_..._

_"With magnifying glasses."_

_"Oh."_

_"Typical Joey."_

_"How stupid"_

_...mumble...chatter..._

Joey kicked me lightly on the shin and I carefully folded the paper marked _B- JOESEPH WHEELER; TRISTAN TAYLOR, IF I GIVE YOU A B WILL YOU NEVER DO THIS AGAIN? _into the bottom of my backpack. Hopefully never to be seen again.

_"By the way Joey, have you been sleeping better lately with out your--?"_

_"I have no idea what you're talking about Yugi."_

_"None? But--"_

_"Nope."_

_..._

_..._

_..._

_..._

_..._

_..._

_"Um...y'know. I heard the most _interesting_ thing about lemons the other day."_


End file.
